So there I was, having delivered a presentation using what I thought was great care, inventiveness and creativity, being told by my Tutor “you are capable of so much better than that”. It wasn’t what he said, but the manner in which I received the comments that made me feel like a small child again. I almost heard an echo from another time when I had experienced this before.
I knew that my Tutor’s intentions were positive and that he didn’t mean to hurt me, but somehow inside I was tearing apart. I felt very small, very misunderstood and very hurt but also indignant. Did he not understand how much thought and effort I had put into this? How I had overcome my fears to be creative and deliver something new and different?
I was surprised at the depth of my response as I had been working for so long on my confidence. How could I have responded inside so violently to a small admonition and (generally) positive feedback when I had so many tools in place to keep me emotionally safe? I had a new lesson to learn about myself.
With some coaching from a friend straight after, I realised I had been reminded of some time when I had been told off for not doing something “right” when I had tried my hardest. I realised I had to take more notice of that small part of me that still feels like a child, the one that we all have inside of us. When a situation makes us feel fearful, sad or anxious, it is normally because our “inner child” remembers a similar situation in our childhood and gives it the same meaning. I needed to heal that time in the past using NLP and support my inner child more in the future, helping her feel strong and capable. This I did the next day.
On further reflection, I noticed that in my head I was imagining the Tutor and the situation to be much bigger than me, which drained my confidence and affected my behaviour and presentation. I felt like a school child before I had even begun the presentation and thar reflected in my result.So I decided to:
- Think about the situation again, but this time imagine myself much larger than I had felt at the time.
- Notice how much more comfortable I felt this time presenting and delivering feedback.
- Imagine another time when I will face the same situation, and view it as if I was large again, feeling my own inner power surging through me.
- Recognise that the more confident and powerful I feel, the more effective my performance can be.
What situations or people make you feel “small” and how can you use this technique ahead of a situation to help you feel larger, more in control and confident again? How do you support your inner child? You will notice what she/he likes because you will feel happier and more fulfilled as you do it, even if it is just studying a leaf or making a daisy chain. You can also tell her everything is OK and you will look after her.
Have fun with your inner child, make her as big as you wish for that moment, and watch your confidence grow!